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about
"Feels Different" is a testament to adaption and joy.
In 2019, I was touring internationally, building a dedicated fanbase, creating community with likeminded artists and finally becoming financially stable through my music. In 2020, everything stopped. The ground below me disappeared and I was left floating in uncertainty. Shows cancelled, opportunities lost, money gone. This is not a unique story. And, it’s not all bad.
I realized just how much I put into my music career. How dependent I was on it to feel fulfilled in life. And once that was gone (on hold), I became less secure in myself, was loosing confidence in some of my beliefs, and began to ask, “Who am I without my art?”
I had neglected the balance I needed to be a full ranged human, to truly pursue joy on all fronts. And so, I made some changes. Began spending more time nurturing personal relationships, calling my family in mexico, taking my mama out to dinner, coloring and going to online dance classes. I started reflecting on my childhood, how deeply my traumas affected me and even started therapy! I gave myself permission to explore my gender identity without judging myself harshly. I gave myself space to feel without the crutch of creation and production.
This song is about that journey. To accepting that change is the only constant and joy is the only goal. To coming back to the confident and ever expanding human I always had the ability to be.
To spend less time pursuing art as a living and more time experiencing the art of being alive.
lyrics
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Back, and it feels different.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really though.
Back, and it feels so different.
Its kind of wild that i’m here with you
Out in the wild, Where the air get to
Drift and dance along side, after all this time look what we can get to do, get into
...together
Before this all went down, i moved through life with such conviction
Now i feel so uncertain, when i make decisions
Least, i’m grateful for the little things i never saw
The shadows from the gate, fingers on the seams of this aging basketball
I’m not tryna silverline the past, but two truths can live together in a stack, that’s on
bunk beds. Had to adapt, so I could smile through the tough shit. Change is something that we stuck with
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Back, and it feels different.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really though.
Back, and it feels so different.
Just started therapy, the first time since Mr. Baron.
I’m still high, writing these songs and over sharing
Still shaking polish, that’s on watermelon earrings
Still self conscious in my cloths, i can feel them starring
And it’s not always a fashion statement its a away of life.
It Isn’t always activism, its just shit i like
Losing fans from choosing skirts over shorts for a summer day
If that's all it takes, then they were never real fans anyway
God is ever changing.
Pieces re-arranging,
Scared they’ll never find their empty spaces.
Tried to fill these empty spaces
But it was always us, so grateful for this face to face
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Back, and it feels different.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really though.
Back, and it feels so different.
Did i write the verse? Was it pre-rehearsed?
I might have said it, but we share these words.
I might have shed it, but i kept it to remind us, just how much it hurt
God. I hoped we learned.
Shit, I find any reason to cry, and shit homie, i’m proud of that.
Not much will wet these eyes and I’m not proud of that.
But, It’s 1:50 somewhere and we workin on it.
Bloom Homie, ya we workin on it
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Back, and it feels different.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really here.
Gone but not really gone. Here, but not really though.
Back, and it feels so different.
Figgy Baby is an internationally-touring rapper, dancer, and community builder based in Los Angeles who creates work
exploring the healing and reimagining of masculinity and manhood.
Best known for their gender defying style, thoughtful lyricism, and high-energy stage presence, Figgy Baby strives to create a fluid space through their music....more
